


everything i've loved (became everything i've lost)

by prkchnyl (ryeouknim)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, M/M, another one of my pretentious post-romance fics huhu, this is a HURT story, this is not rly a love story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 13:03:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8057446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryeouknim/pseuds/prkchnyl
Summary: Baekhyun's long since stopped trying.





	everything i've loved (became everything i've lost)

**Author's Note:**

> *stares*  
> someone should tell me that this fic shouldn't even exist

Baekhyun has always been eager to please. Dancing and singing in front of doting aunts and uncles in family gatherings. Charming all the teachers and professors, and even more than half of the girls at school. But that was until Baekhyun realized that he doesn’t want to charm the _girls,_ and so Baekhyun stopped really trying.

 

“Baek! Seriously, wake up!” Someone shakes his shoulders none too gently and Baekhyun lets out an uncharacteristic growl. “Ohhhh, he bites!” The voice—Jongdae says, and he can hear a few giggles in the background.

 

“Leave me alone!” Baekhyun’s voice ends in a whine and he buries his face on the arms crossed atop the café’s table to will himself back to sleep. A warm, familiar hand cards into his locks and scratches at his scalp and Baekhyun almost instantly falls asleep.

 

“Hey!” a soft tug on his hair and Baekhyun looks up with a scowl, Chanyeol smiling fondly down at him. “It was meant to wake you up, not to make you fall back to sleep.”

 

Baekhyun hides a yawn at the back of his hand and sleepily stares at his cluster of friends. It’s a Friday night and while young people get up to party, Baekhyun would rather hole up in his apartment and watch a movie sprawled lazily on his couch until he falls asleep.

 

“Seriously!” It’s Joonmyun now and Baekhyun sits up in attention before he realizes it’s after hours and Joonmyun’s not anymore his boss after office hours. “C’mon now Baekhyunnie, we’re supposed to be having a movie marathon right now instead of having a competition in who can finally wake you up. Let’s go now. I have a comfortable couch I bet you’d rather be sleeping in right now.”

 

Baekhyun likes movie nights with his friends, they used to switch venues, sometimes in Minseok’s flat because of the huge tv screen, one time in Baekhyun’s because he’s closest to the sushi store, but mostly in Joonmyun’s because most of the time there are no less than nine fully frown adults in a single space and though half of them are considered pocket sized, the other half makes up for the lack in height and only Joonmyun has enough space. More often than not though, they always find themselves wrapped in each other’s arms, limbs tangled up and uncaring until one decides they have to pee.

 

Baekhyun always sits next to Chanyeol during movie nights. Chanyeol’s always warm and Baekhyun gets cold easily. He also has long arms and broad chest and if there’s someone even cuddlier as Baekhyun, it’s Chanyeol himself. Jongin is too, but Chanyeol doesn’t mind and doesn’t complain loudly when Baekhyun drools on his chest, falling asleep halfway through every movie.

 

So naturally, Baekhyun’s eyes gravitate towards Chanyeol to share a conspiratory smile but Chanyeol’s not looking at him. Chanyeol’s gaze is on Jongin, bickering softly with Jongdae on what food to buy for the night.

 

Sleep leaves Baekhyun system like he’s been doused with hot coffee and he immediately averts his eyes. Then everyone’s standing to pile up in different cars or cars of their own.

 

Baekhyun feels silly, but Chanyeol’s moving forward with both Sehun and Jongin by his sides. Baekhyun follows robotically until they arrive at the parking lot and Baekhyun’s almost as lost as how he feels. Chanyeol has Jongin, Sehun and Yixing in his car. Jongdae’s with Joonmyun, Minseok, and Kyungsoo have their own and Baekhyun just stares.

 

The thing is, Baekhyun’s long stopped trying to please everyone since the day he told his parents he won’t be marrying any nice girl anytime now or anytime ever. His father told him he could marry _bad girls_ if he wants and ignored the rest of his statements and Baekhyun got it, the way his father’s tone of voice was laced with disappointment. Baekhyun stopped trying.

 

Until Chanyeol.

 

Chanyeol is another intern in Baekhyun’s batch when they entered Joonmyun’s company who lurked behind Baekhyun from the office to the photocopy machine until he’s meeting Baekhyun’s friends, staring wide eyed as his boss, Joonmyun, spills silly jokes after cheesy phrases and he never really left Baekhyun’s side from then.

 

Chanyeol is all limbs and looming presence and booming voice. Chanyeol is all smiles and animated hands and more animated laughter. Now Baekhyun just wants to please Chanyeol and it’s not a relatively hard thing to do.

 

Right now though, Baekhyun’s side feels a little colder than usual.

 

Kyungsoo hangs back to walk beside him and give a little nudge. When Baekhyun turns to him, there’s a question in the way his eyebrow lifts so Baekhyun whines and hangs onto Kyungsoo’s lean but sturdy shoulders.

 

“I didn’t bring my car!” Baekhyun whines into Kyungsoo’s shoulders, an excuse, and Baekhyun knows that Kyungsoo’s smarter than that but he gives Baekhyun an out and instead, pats his back in a rare gesture of affection.

 

“Don’t worry, I got you.” Kyungsoo says and the hand previously on Baekhyun’s back slides up to cup his neck and Kyungsoo’s pulling him by the neck towards his car.

 

They all eat pizza, half of them on the couches and half sprawled on the floor and Joonmyun threatens to kill anyone who gets grease on his blankets but everyone knows it’s a blank threat. Baekhyun though, gets weird stares as he perched himself on the loveseat by the corner, taking up all the space.

 

Baekhyun’s usually one of the firsts who drops dead on the floor but he headed straight to the plush loveseat, glaring at anyone who tries to sit with him.

 

“I’ve been promised a comfortable couch to sleep on.” Baekhyun just mumbles when Chanyeol asked, and Baekhyun would have left the comfort of the couch to roll around the floor with him if he just asked, but instead, Chanyeol nods and skips back to the pile of blankets in the middle of the living room. Baekhyun swallows his disappointment.

 

It hasn’t been a single occurrence and Baekhyun’s slowly getting used to the feeling of disappointment slowly simmering in his gut.

 

Baekhyun’s phone has been almost useless now, relatively quiet when it used to be always buzzing with random texts and inquiries from Chanyeol ever since they were assigned to different departments.

 

Baekhyun’s lunch time seems so long now that no one’s bothering him and stealing his lunches and Baekhyun almost never leaves office on time now because no one fetches him from his office to save him from dying due to overworking.

 

It’s not a foreign thought when Baekhyun thinks that it must be something that he’s done, but when they meet with the group for their monthly movie dates, Chanyeol smiles at Baekhyun as if nothing’s wrong and that Baekhyun’s just suddenly sans a bestfriend.

 

Their next movie group date comes too early and Baekhyun still doesn’t know what’s wrong. He’s in a really bad mood since he woke up and not even Joonmyun’s silly jokes can lift up his mood.

 

So when the night comes and everyone’s slowly gathering in their usual café meeting place, Baekhyun’s sitting on the farthest chair, away from the crowd and glaring at the tabletop.

 

Baekhyun verbalized his desire to skip this month’s gathering but Baekhyun’s weak to Joonmyun’s silly pout so he goes even with a perpetual frown on his face.

 

The frown deepens when he sees Chanyeol and Jongin arriving together with matching smiles on their faces.

 

It’s like salt added to Baekhyun’s fresh wounds, really. But he schools his face to indifference, and by the time Kyungsoo and Jongdae arrives to complete the group, Baekhyun’s face is passive enough, disappointment and hurt stuffed deep in his chest for now.

 

When he gets home, Baekhyun pulls out all the hurt and disappointment in his chest and cries a good deal of the weekend. There’s nothing left to do but just go with what he does best.

 

Baekhyun’s been assigned with the new interns, a group of really tall but sincere bunch of kids who looks at Baekhyun like he’s not second guessing what he’s teaching them. This time though, Baekhyun lets them close but not too close. Let’s them be friendly but not to forget that he’s their mentor and not to toe the line.

 

It’s almost the end of the month and Baekhyun tries his best to avoid Joonmyun in the office. Instead, Baekhyun texts him that he’s not feeling well and would be skipping the movie date this month. After some thought, Baekhyun tells him to say hello to the others for him then turns his phone off and hurries out of the building, almost over speeding while he drives to get away from the area.

 

Baekhyun spends his weekend sleeping and ignoring his phone trying his best not to give in to temptation and turn it on.

 

By Monday, when Baekhyun finally gets his shit together and turns his phone on, there are 28missed calls, 6 voicemails and 48 text messages from his friends.

 

Baekhyun idles his car by the company’s parking lot to check his messages.

 

There are a lot from Joonmyun, it’s a miracle there’s one SMS from Minseok. There are lots from Jongdae, most probably drunk texting, and a few from Kyungsoo.

 

Baekhyun heaves a sigh, because even Jongin sent him a get well soon message, but there’s none from Chanyeol.

 

Baekhyun’s chest constricts a little.

 

After that, Baekhyun tried to make himself scarce. He meets with his friends one or two at a time but he abandoned the monthly movie nights, and it’s only a few more months until one by one, slowly, they too will get tired of Baekhyun and realizes that they’re wasting their time.

 

Baekhyun sends Joonmyun a request for an indefinite leave through his e-mail.

 

Baekhyun changes his number, and makes his intern, Hakyeon, drive him to the airport. “You know, you’re being really really unfair.” Baekhyun huffs, and he knows that Hakyeon doesn’t really care whether his opinion matter, he needs to say his piece. “You’re ignoring all of your friends just because one of your friends—bestfriends” Hakyeon amends when he got a glare for his effort. “—decided he wanted a new cuddle buddy and didn’t tell you.”

 

It sounds pathetic to hear it like that and his interns must be talking about how pathetic and stupid he is behind his back but Baekhyun doesn’t care.

 

“I’m actually really just tired.” Baekhyun tells him, honestly, but doesn’t say more.

 

Tired of pleasing everyone, tired of being replaced, tired of being ignored, tired of being not good enough. Baekhyun wants to escape. Like when he excuses himself to the kitchen of Joonmyun’s apartment when Chanyeol gets extra cuddly and it fogged Baekhyun’s mind. Like when Baekhyun left his hometown when his father refused to look him in the eye when they speak.

 

It’s not easy for Baekhyun to talk and settle things, not easy to just gulp everything down and pretend nothing’s wrong.

 

But it’s easy for Baekhyun to pack his bags and leave. It doesn’t make the burdens on his shoulders lighter. Baekhyun folds his pent up feelings and stuffs it in his backpack and leaves everything else behind.

 

He doesn’t look back.

 


End file.
